So, only four days left until we relinquish ownership of the video and tanning salon to the new owners. It's sad in a way to see people making plans to do things to the building that we ourselves wanted to do but didn't have the time or money. That hurts. At the same time the business either needed someone to take care of it or it needed to die. The plan is to concentrate on the sign business which will have us working from home. Thank god we get along together for extended periods of times. Where it concerns working together we have our spats but they're overcome in the end through compromise. We also know when the other needs their space. That precious alone time is the only way to maintain your sanity. I don't think I could ever tolerate anyone 24/7 for the rest of my life. This will also have me learning a new approach at creating things on the computer. Most specifically, designing vehicle wraps. I've tinkered a little here and there but it's time to work on a larger project. I'm actually quite nervous. It's something new, different and foreign! But that's a good thing too. I just need to remember to be patient with myself and Danny as he tries to teach me. 


In other news I got a new laptop for my birthday! It's teeny little thing but it's main purpose is for me to write. Of course it gets used for internet (as it is right now actually). There's something nice about sitting on the couch watching t.v. with Danny and being able to write or check mail without having to leave. Go laziness!!! The desktop computer however, is still the primary machine for doing art. I don't think I could really work on anything artwise with this minute screen. Plus I just got a larger monitor for my desktop and I need to make time to play around with some paintings. 

Speaking of time, I've managed to squeeze in some to work on my story. Also was able to read five more chapters of Claymore. I'm reading up on the manga because I've volunteered to do some voice acting for a character should I be what they need. Also, it's just an interesting story. God love monsters. :)  Haven't done much sketching at all in the past...almost 3 weeks.  Been so busy with the store and the uncertainity of it, and then working on moving ourselves out. I am very ready to get back into the groove of drawing. I've got a couple of  commissions to start on, plus some personal work I've been meaning to get done. Melissa, that means Teuates! As well as some illustrations for my story. I'd like to work on putting some color to the black and white sketches. 

So we'll see. I'll just keep trying to find any amount of time I can. In the meantime, it's nice to have my luxuries back. :)

I just realized I don't have enough poems about sex or cock.


Almost reaching what I feel to be the end
Wrapping my fingers around
Prepared to enclose it in my fist
Making it more possible
Making it more...alive.
I can feel it moving around in my hand
Trying to make more out of nothing
Hold it closer to my face
Wanting to sense it in every way
Hold it close to my body
Feeling it's warmth
Craving it's release inside of me
Faster action with faster thoughts
Messy ends but finally I relaxed it all

This is something I found lying around my harddrive. If I had a purpose for this journal it will be for my writing, my thoughts, my head. If I remember correctly this was written only a few years ago. Amazing to see how far I've come and yet, how much the same I still am.  It's also funny how there's some parts of this that no longer make sense to me and I wonder what in the hell was I thinking???? And then how some of it makes more sense than before.  If only I knew. Perhaps they will make sense to you, whoever you are. Perhaps not.


Sometimes the world is too cruel. I just want to give up in all aspects of such. I feel alone at all times even in the presence of others. I feel my complements and my connections, but unaware are their presence from me. Who am I? Why am I here, really? Is their any oparticular point to this suffering of mine? If I'm to be alone, then why? If I'm to live with people and still be alone then why? Why am I the one? I show no shame in having what I have, but then I think that I should use it no? so then, why and how should I use it?

    Many options come up, all suggestions of a world that I have already journeyed. That didn't work, and alas still here I am, only more in tune and more provoked than before, when I was but an infant to life. To learn, is to understand, to understand, is to feel, then follows thought. Many stop after feel to thought, and leave their unanswered questions. But to learn is not to understand just once. For instance after one learns something, they must learn something else to use the wisdom given to gather more understanding, feeling, and then thought. Through the years we progress, some turn away the new questions, as they become more and more difficult to aquire the knowledge, to learn, understand, and then feel again. Without feeling is death, which is why interest in certain things is put to the side, For either lack of concern or difficulty level. Desire, escapes the masses. Ambition is turned into scholar. The ones that are willing to continue to learn. For what reason would we contnue to learn if the ones seen as learners, are named as such, based on structure of society, the weak and the strong, the meek, and the peaceful. Everyone has chosen their path. Some chose to die, and not ever think their concern is to learn the events happening in their life. Almost like an onward struggle again and again, until death. But still is the blessing of life given, for it is one's choice to attain and walk their path. Therefore, many levels of experience are required to understand.
    As I walk life, I learn about the different types all around, no matter where I go. I hope to find myself in this clouded wilderness, which is no different no matter where I go. I choose to change. From sad to happy, I can provide great value and leave change. But like a turn of their psyche. Mine still feel same, after all. No one sees me. And those that I feel see me, are not fully awakened to themselves. Even the elderly. a child is more innocent, so do not think of borders to turn others away. Our natural instinct is to accept one another, to connect and keep the flow going. But greed corrupts many and we even wish to hold on to our energy, which causes the wave of change, and choose to hold it, for fear of never feeling it again. Holding it, makes it dormant, and the protection grows larger. When the life's purpose changes, and urges humanity to stay away from one another. And hold on to our energies and not share with one another. But doing so, would rid greed, for none would feel bad if Another says, "Sorry I'm saving this to share with a friend, no offence." The next would say, " Yeah sure, here you go I've got plenty."